Night thoughts

I get so frustrated. I can never say all the things I want, read all the books I want, do all the things I want and there’s so much muchness left. Where does that go?

I’m never happy with myself. I feel that time flies by so fast and I’m always left pending. Why can’t I do everything I want in a day? This stupid phone vacuums my soul into nothingness.

You could’ve done that at that specific moment in time,

studied more, written more, loved more, been kinder

You should’ve said the truth, you shouldn’t have wasted time, should’ve hugged tighter.

Shouldn’t have yelled at your parents, should’ve said SORRY

You never listen, you think you’re always right and you’re thinking about what You’re about to say next.

You don’t say much when the time is right, you just bite the skin around your nails and look in the distance.

I always forget stuff and I’m obnoxiously unorganized. I live in my head most of the times and my reality is in antithesis with the commonly accepted one. Basically, the real world :)). I know I’m a dreamer that expects a miracle.

But who doesn’t love entire days reading, writing, drinking coffee while listening to French and Italian music and at nights switches to American blues?


I enjoy long walks by myself

I think I’m asocial. Well, maybe also because of social media and alienation from the real world. And short atencion span that basically ruins my potential of becoming a knowledgeable decent human being.

Having been by myself for so long, makes me wanna stay by myself lol. In my own bubble. And whenever there’s social interaction I cringe a bit and I get awkward while thinking about what amazing world changing things I could do in that time. Like invent something, build a leggo transformer, save some whales. And it’s such a fuckery because we’re tribal creatures, we crave communities because they’re good for us. Emotionally, spiritually, phisically and blabla.

And most of the times the people that I interact with are wonderful and I have so much to learn from them, but for some reason I still get this feeling that I would be so much better alone.

But.. I’m going through phases, as it is with most things in our lives. As it is for most things in this world. After winter comes spring, after sadness joy, after hunger… Well I don’t know, I’m always hungry. Well, the point is, sometimes one needs solitude to appreciate good company and to crave it. Balance is so crucial and I always hear it everywhere, but never take time to actually process its meaning and put it in practice.

Moral of the story is : social media ruins genuine human connections, but try analyzing if your anti-social behavior is temporary, innate or you’re just fucked.

‘Good boy’


If you’re a horrible human being, the probability is that you’ll get worst in time. That is if you’ll never change. A good way to guide a person on the right path, or at least hold them there is to see the silver lining in the things they do. Acknowledge a good act and praise them for it as often as you can. Ignoring it is worse than punishing them, because at least you’re paying attention to them. It’s the same when you barely like someone and suddenly they’ll start neglect you. It emphasizes the feelings, even if it’s a psychological illusion.

So, if you want a person to change for the good, make sure they know what you specifically ask them to do and give them a pat on the head for it. So for example, if a friend is texting you daily, wanting to know how you are, meaning they do care about you, make it clear you are grateful for that. On the other hand, if someone in your life does wrong to you telling them to sort out their life, may seem vague. They won’t know where to start and what that change will mean to you. So be specific. Communicate and after their accomplishment give them the treat.

Good boy.


Thought of the day #6


RenĂ© Magritte – “L’heureux donateur”

People, pardon my french, don’t give a fuck if you are content and whether you live a good life. Often they resent you for it and most will envy you.

You really think anyone cares about your pictures? Were you are and what you do? I mean, unless you’re a celebrity or they’re in love, nobody gives a shit. It’s so weird how this social media thing works. One day we laugh at videos with animals, later you write a nasty comment and other times you’re Sherlock, finding their whole genealogy and their math teacher from 4th grade. We’re interested in someone’s life if there’s something in for us too. Dopamine, mystery and misery of our fellow homo sapines.

The latter is kind of fascinating, how we dwell into others unhappiness. Displayed or hidden. I mean, we’re seldom like coyotes, smelling periods worsening in people’s lives. It feels fine because we seem to have it better or seeing they’re in the same deep waters as us.

…You and me, such a weird mix of feelings and intentions. And the worst part is that we don’t even know what we’re capable of in times of utter fatality.Be

Thought #5

Write often how you feel, why and what can you do to improve your situation. Trust me, you’ll thank yourself later. Start by taking pen and paper and write “blablabla” if you don’t know how to start.

Time changes our perception of certain things that happened in time, therefore our memory is flawed and relative. Nostalgia makes you sweeten past times that at that moment in time you dreaded. Suddenly your memories are starting to become altered, and you react to them with wrong emotions. Basically what I’m staying is that you’re not a reliable source of objective reminiscing. So don’t trust yourself too much. Ever.

We are so fluctuant in everything we do and this is why we should have something abiding in our lives. Otherwise our lenses through which we view the world and “values”, change with fashion, moods, exterior influence and so on.

So Kant’s categorical imperative can alter just because someone comes up with a different dogma( Lol, even though that is a christian principle put in entangled and sophisticated words). For example, If you see your biggest enemy in a car crash on the road, you won’t help him, how you’re supposed to do, you’ll just pass by because he drove a sports car and, in that place in time, sports cars are stigmatized. It’s kind of an infantile example, but you get the idea. You’re smart.

As far as I know, there’s only ONE being that stated He’s: “the way, the truth, and the life”. And I know it’s hard to digest and to absorb because it’s such a subjective matter, the faith. As Kierkegaard stated, you have to make the leap of faith understood as the act of believing in or accepting something outside the boundaries of reason. If you do not exercise your will into the direction of accepting the possibility of a providence, a savior, you can’t receive Him. It’s like you want help from a certain person, but you don’t reach out to them. How can they comfort you if you say you don’t need any help?

We don’t believe because we know too much or too little? Think about that and think critically about everything.

I guess it’s more a problem of the ego. How can I, a majestic being, talk with an abstract entity and to ask it to come into my life, if they claim they do exist. But this should not be in a presumptuous kind of way, that’s hypocrisy. Just genuine demand.

Trust me, it’s so amazing when you know you have a perennial, unchangeable axis mundi that gives you peace and lights up the way for you. I’ve been in the state where I didn’t know which way to go because there were so many paths, so many voices that I felt like going insane. Your anxiety skyrockets due so much uncertainty and vulnerability. All that leads in a way or another to depression and, ugh, that’s the lowest were I’ve been.


Wha man, I’m all over the place. But this is how thoughts are, right?

I’ll leave you with Shakespeare:

To be, or not to be, Ay there’s the point,
To Die, to sleep, is that all? Aye all:
No, to sleep, to dream, aye marry there it goes,
For in that dream of death, when we awake,
And borne before an everlasting Judge,
From whence no passenger ever returned,
The undiscovered country, at whose sight
The happy smile, and the accursed damn’d.


Joyeux NoĂ«l + New Year advice

Espresso vibe

Today is a very good day. The sun was shining in the morning and it didn’t feel at all like Christmas, but not in a bad way. We opened our presents, because, of course we were REALLY good this year, and I felt like a little girl again. I mean, I always feel like that, but today it was ok lol. It was a nice feeling to share moments like this with genuine people that do care about you.

I’m drinking my espresso now while listening to Jaques Brel, after a tres french traditional meal. The sun was shining in the morning and it didn’t feel at all like Christmas, but not in a bad way.

So we’ve eaten a fricking tasty chapon farci among other mouthwatering stuff and we ended in apotheosis with the famous bĂ»che which is to die for.

Espresso vibe

I have a lot of wishes this year, but my biggest desire is health for me and my loved ones. You don’t appreciate it until you loose it. And if you will allow me I have some advice that you could take for the new year:

  1. Treat others like you would like to be treated. Unless you have Stockholm syndrome. Then pls stop. No one likes to deal with negative, vile, unkind blabla people, Even though we are sometimes like that.
  2. Stop caring about others think, IF you’re trying to be the best person you can(so if you’re like a horrible human being, I guess you should care). People will just hate you or judge on you even if you feed the poor. There will always be someone who doesn’t like you or what you think and do. I mean, Jesus was pretty good and he ended up hanged on a cross. Vladimir Nabokov thought that Dostoievski was a mediocre writer. Dostoievski. Mediocre. You see what I mean?
  3. Know your worth and don’t let anyone treat you any less. They don’t know what are your values and morals. They don’t know your struggles and your sufferings. Do not compromise your inner quality based on how others are treating you so that you will appeal to them. Just tell them.
  4. Do not wait for people if they do not make it clear you mean something to them. It’s just pathetic and time consuming. If they want you to be part of their lives, they make sure you’ll feel wanted and they will minimize the wait. Games are nice, until they’re not anymore because someone gets hurt.
  5. Apreciate firstly virtue and alpha traits in a man. I’m just sick of beta males with high expectations that jerk off watching others fornicate because they can’t have a healthy relationship . That’s just depressing. Porn it’s like looking at a star, but less romantic and exciting . That act ended who knows how long ago and you sit there alone, horny, half naked , with a pack of tissues near, watching strangers who most likely don’t know each other getting it on. That’s profoundly unnatural and sad. Third wave feminism ruined everything.
  6. Appreciate your parents more and tell them daily you love them. I know for some is pretty hard to say ” I love you”, for me was too. And at the beginning was pretty funny, I used to day that really fast and hang up because I was embarrassed. And slowly I eased up on it and now it’s just imprinted in my vernacular when I say goodbye.
  7. PLEASE, girls, stop trying to get him by posting waay to often:

– pictures of yourself half naked

– tearful or risquĂ© quotes

– photos of other couples

– snapchat videos of yourself with those animal filters

I mean, I’ve been there and it’s plain sad and cringe worthy. Tust me. He’ll just laugh, or think you just try too hard. Which is true.

7. Find your peace and happiness in non-material stuff. For me praying it’s a good medicine and keeps me grounded, able to enjoy the smallest things, I know for some sounds really esoteric, boring and idiotic, but oh well. You could try it and mean it. It’s a humbling experience in this egocentric world and we could use some of that.


We are all so blessed, we just need to look for the blessings in our lives.

I wish you all the best.