Diary bits

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Thought #5

Write often how you feel, why and what can you do to improve your situation. Trust me, you’ll thank yourself later. Start by taking pen and paper and write “blablabla” if you don’t know how to start.

Time changes our perception of certain things that happened in time, therefore our memory is flawed and relative. Nostalgia makes you sweeten past times that at that moment in time you dreaded. Suddenly your memories are starting to become altered, and you react to them with wrong emotions. Basically what I’m staying is that you’re not a reliable source of objective reminiscing. So don’t trust yourself too much. Ever.


We are so fluctuant in everything we do and this is why we should have something abiding in our lives. Otherwise our lenses through which we view the world and “values”, change with fashion, moods, exterior influence and so on.

So Kant’s categorical imperative can alter just because someone comes up with a different dogma( Lol, even though that is a christian principle put in entangled and sophisticated words). For example, If you see your biggest enemy in a car crash on the road, you won’t help him, how you’re supposed to do, you’ll just pass by because he drove a sports car and, in that place in time, sports cars are stigmatized. It’s kind of an infantile example, but you get the idea. You’re smart.

As far as I know, there’s only ONE being that stated He’s: “the way, the truth, and the life”. And I know it’s hard to digest and to absorb because it’s such a subjective matter, the faith. As Kierkegaard stated, you have to make the leap of faith understood as the act of believing in or accepting something outside the boundaries of reason. If you do not exercise your will into the direction of accepting the possibility of a providence, a savior, you can’t receive Him. It’s like you want help from a certain person, but you don’t reach out to them. How can they comfort you if you say you don’t need any help?

We don’t believe because we know too much or too little? Think about that and think critically about everything.

I guess it’s more a problem of the ego. How can I, a majestic being, talk with an abstract entity and to ask it to come into my life, if they claim they do exist. But this should not be in a presumptuous kind of way, that’s hypocrisy. Just genuine demand.

Trust me, it’s so amazing when you know you have a perennial, unchangeable axis mundi that gives you peace and lights up the way for you. I’ve been in the state where I didn’t know which way to go because there were so many paths, so many voices that I felt like going insane. Your anxiety skyrockets due so much uncertainty and vulnerability. All that leads in a way or another to depression and, ugh, that’s the lowest were I’ve been.

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Wha man, I’m all over the place. But this is how thoughts are, right?

I’ll leave you with Shakespeare:

To be, or not to be, Ay there’s the point,
To Die, to sleep, is that all? Aye all:
No, to sleep, to dream, aye marry there it goes,
For in that dream of death, when we awake,
And borne before an everlasting Judge,
From whence no passenger ever returned,
The undiscovered country, at whose sight
The happy smile, and the accursed damn’d.

Be

Joyeux Noël + New Year advice

Espresso vibe

Today is a very good day. The sun was shining in the morning and it didn’t feel at all like Christmas, but not in a bad way. We opened our presents, because, of course we were REALLY good this year, and I felt like a little girl again. I mean, I always feel like that, but today it was ok lol. It was a nice feeling to share moments like this with genuine people that do care about you.

I’m drinking my espresso now while listening to Jaques Brel, after a tres french traditional meal. The sun was shining in the morning and it didn’t feel at all like Christmas, but not in a bad way.

So we’ve eaten a fricking tasty chapon farci among other mouthwatering stuff and we ended in apotheosis with the famous bûche which is to die for.

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I have a lot of wishes this year, but my biggest desire is health for me and my loved ones. You don’t appreciate it until you loose it. And if you will allow me I have some advice that you could take for the new year:

  1. Treat others like you would like to be treated. Unless you have Stockholm syndrome. Then pls stop. No one likes to deal with negative, vile, unkind blabla people, Even though we are sometimes like that.
  2. Stop caring about others think, IF you’re trying to be the best person you can(so if you’re like a horrible human being, I guess you should care). People will just hate you or judge on you even if you feed the poor. There will always be someone who doesn’t like you or what you think and do. I mean, Jesus was pretty good and he ended up hanged on a cross. Vladimir Nabokov thought that Dostoievski was a mediocre writer. Dostoievski. Mediocre. You see what I mean?
  3. Know your worth and don’t let anyone treat you any less. They don’t know what are your values and morals. They don’t know your struggles and your sufferings. Do not compromise your inner quality based on how others are treating you so that you will appeal to them. Just tell them.
  4. Do not wait for people if they do not make it clear you mean something to them. It’s just pathetic and time consuming. If they want you to be part of their lives, they make sure you’ll feel wanted and they will minimize the wait. Games are nice, until they’re not anymore because someone gets hurt.
  5. Apreciate firstly virtue and alpha traits in a man. I’m just sick of beta males with high expectations that jerk off watching others fornicate because they can’t have a healthy relationship . That’s just depressing. Porn it’s like looking at a star, but less romantic and exciting . That act ended who knows how long ago and you sit there alone, horny, half naked , with a pack of tissues near, watching strangers who most likely don’t know each other getting it on. That’s profoundly unnatural and sad. Third wave feminism ruined everything.
  6. Appreciate your parents more and tell them daily you love them. I know for some is pretty hard to say ” I love you”, for me was too. And at the beginning was pretty funny, I used to day that really fast and hang up because I was embarrassed. And slowly I eased up on it and now it’s just imprinted in my vernacular when I say goodbye.
  7. PLEASE, girls, stop trying to get him by posting waay to often:

– pictures of yourself half naked

– tearful or risqué quotes

– photos of other couples

– snapchat videos of yourself with those animal filters

I mean, I’ve been there and it’s plain sad and cringe worthy. Tust me. He’ll just laugh, or think you just try too hard. Which is true.

7. Find your peace and happiness in non-material stuff. For me praying it’s a good medicine and keeps me grounded, able to enjoy the smallest things, I know for some sounds really esoteric, boring and idiotic, but oh well. You could try it and mean it. It’s a humbling experience in this egocentric world and we could use some of that.

8.

We are all so blessed, we just need to look for the blessings in our lives.

I wish you all the best.

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Be

Thought of the night #2

EspressovibeBy Raluca Lungu

People say a lot of things in order to get what they want. Few will actually act on it. So don’t believe their promises because in the end the waiting is harming yourself.
And you’ve got better things to do than staying up late for that phone call.

If someone wants you to be part of their life, they’ll do whatever they can to make sure you will feel that.
So stop over analyzing stuff. Life is pretty simple. Well, not really, but kind of, I mean we do make it so much more unnecessarily complicated.
Say the things you want to say and don’t wait for someone’s attention when they get bored. Cut that crap.

You’ll shorten the time of a potential heartbreak, which we all know it’s not fun. I know it’s not easy peasy, but know your worth.

Coucou!

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You know that  feeling when you know that something is going to happen, but you can’t believe it and process it mentally? So that happened to me and it’s pretty surreal, but at the same time it feels like I’ve been here for a long time.

South of France is so magical even in winter, I can’t imagine the wonders of summertime. Things are frightening when you’re swimming against the current, but I know it’s gonna be ok. If not, at least I’re tried.

I get so caught up in my thoughts sometimes that I forget to enjoy what’s happening to me. The smell of fresh café  in the morning, the wonderful panorama right before I wake up, the daily baguette croustillante and so on.

So I’ll try to make the best of my day now and to go running sounds like a plan, but first I have to finish my coffee.

À tout à l’heure!

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2Be

Thought of the night #1

You wanted to say that. So bad. But you didn’t, you let it slip away because you never have the courage when it comes to that. You come home and scroll numbly through your feed. You check and check and check. Never knowing what. Inertia. Wasted life.

You dim the screen’s brightness, maybe you’ll sleep tonight.
You flip the pillow to the cold side, but the stream of thoughts won’t shut the fuck up.

But what if
You should’ve
Why didn’t you
Maybe if it wasn’t like that

I can’t do that anymore

All sad stories begin like this at 3am when the silence of your being clashes with the one of the room.
Don’t trust yourself at night. We mix things up and only the light of the day can try untangling them. But paradoxically, now your true self peaks through your persona.

 

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In the midst of the dark night things aren’t what they seem, but we often are.

Be

God is dead

…we killed Him.

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Caspar David Friedrich

In an atheistic and desacralised world, men thinks he has liberated himself from gods. The burden of a transcendental power has been lifted, no worshiping, no faith, no axiomatic truth. All is permitted, as Raskolnikov declared. No other judges other than the faulty and finite mortal judgement. I guess that suffices our unrest for justice.

But then again why do we feel guilty whenever we do wrong even if we convince ourselves it’s okay? One could argue that those are the society’s rules propagated through education by parents, teachers etc and those rules put a moral restrain on our consciousness . But then again, this means that everything is a social construct and, for example, murder (prohibited by the 6th commandment) is fine and one should not feel guilty.  Therefore, if  you can take someone’s life without ever getting caught, no higher authority can chastise you.

Do yo’ thang honey.

But paradoxically,  the human nature in its quest for freedom, enslaved itself with terranial stuff. Shifting from an all powerful entity, people needed intrinsically to adore something and to prosternate. Therefore we made idols from whatever we could find: booze, cigarettes, celebrities, sex, drugs so on and so forth. Idolizing the perishable instead of the perennial.

It’s all fun and games until you suffer and you feel your fucking heart being ripped out of your chest, when you wake up and there’s nothing worth living for and pounds of concrete hold your mind and body.  Craving pleasure, after pleasure but you can never fulfill this urge, because you’re looking for it in all the wrong places. All followed shortly like a counterpoint by suffering. The more intense the lust the more profound the pain.

But who gives a shit about that, at least we’re content, right? We must be if we consciously made that translation.  We must be if this brings harmony to our lives. After all we have a meaning in life, right?

In this cultural-Marxist era we consume our teen years for fickle hedonism, not being aware of sacrificing sometimes a virtual virtuous lifetime.

Be